When I started teacher's college, I didn't need anything to get through the day at all. I was clean, free of dependency. While studying, though, I had to do something to keep up with the pace. That's when it began.
It seems harmless, I know. I mean, my grandmother indulges in it so how bad could it be? At least that's what I thought at the time. But these things start small, right? Then it gets out of control.
Now it's a daily struggle to keep it under control because, God knows, if I could I would do it every hour on the hour. Maybe in between too! It's bad. It's running me.
At first, I could use this and get by:
But we all know how it goes - the longer you use, the more you need. So I graduated to this:
It didn't end there, though.
I wish I could tell you that was as bad as it got. I don't have a picture of the biggest mug but let's just say it was the size of a kiddie pool. It was one of those 7-11 tubs. I knew I'd hit rock bottom when my tub fell off my desk and broke. I was shattered.
I'm working on it, though. I'm trying to get myself free of my addiction. I've worked my way down to the blue cat mug again. Most days I have just one. I don't take it to work anymore. I don't use in front of my students.
The weekends are the hardest because I have it right there in the kitchen and nobody to remind me that I want to quit. Damn you, Tea!
The scary thing for me is that one kind of addiction can lead to another. I saw this last night as I was wandering around the house trying to get my knitting fix. Nothing was starting right. Nothing already started was calling to me. I kept trying to use that snuggly new Lorna's Laces Shepherd sock yarn. I swear I was nearly shaking from withdrawl.
What's next? I shudder to think! M
12.12.17 ~ home & hearth
1 day ago